All those little things that drive you crazy about a person.... that you let go of for the sake of your sanity, because you love them are going to make me crazy now.
Don't get me wrong, He is great and all that shit, and I'm really proud of him. He is handling all the house affairs. I totally backed off so he could really get a feel for what it is like to be single again. ...
But DAYUM! Fuck me sometimes I just want to punch him in the nose ;)
That is all.
"I feel pretty Oh so pretty" "Goosfraba"
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Missing my family
In my family we are all divorced, I guess we know how to do it and how not to do it. I'm used to always caring about the person who gets ousted and seeing them around. I mean when my family gets married there are always kids involved (one exception but not the point). So of coarse it's best for the kids to see we are still a family.
Shit my brother's ex-wife was a sister to me and is still a great friend. I mean listen, he bought her into my life my freshman year of high school so was my best friend and pretty much lived in my room until they got married. She did something shitty to him, not me. Yeah I was pissed for awhile, he is my brother, but they had a beautiful child together. They didn't work out, they were high school sweethearts got married and then had a kid too young. She served her time, I still love her.
Anyways my point is. I have LOVED his family fiercely for almost 15 years. I don't think I have been more hurt by anyone since I realized my biological father was such an asshole.
I am the one who has picked out all their gifts, supported their family member, driven their grandmother to the doctor, cared for their children, and made a man out of their brother and son. Taken him from a college dropout to a successful hard working wonderful father.
Our divorce is as amicable as they go, for chrissakes he still sleeps next to me while we sort shit out. We can't they still want me to?
Now my best friend is pissed at me and won't even talk to me, for I don't even know why .... honestly. I know it's because I don't have a filter and I've said something to piss her off, but she knows me she knows my heart is in her hands.
Fuck I need my mom. Never has there been a harder time in my life that I needed her.
Now I have to be the strong one, the mom, for my kids.
Shit my brother's ex-wife was a sister to me and is still a great friend. I mean listen, he bought her into my life my freshman year of high school so was my best friend and pretty much lived in my room until they got married. She did something shitty to him, not me. Yeah I was pissed for awhile, he is my brother, but they had a beautiful child together. They didn't work out, they were high school sweethearts got married and then had a kid too young. She served her time, I still love her.
Anyways my point is. I have LOVED his family fiercely for almost 15 years. I don't think I have been more hurt by anyone since I realized my biological father was such an asshole.
I am the one who has picked out all their gifts, supported their family member, driven their grandmother to the doctor, cared for their children, and made a man out of their brother and son. Taken him from a college dropout to a successful hard working wonderful father.
Our divorce is as amicable as they go, for chrissakes he still sleeps next to me while we sort shit out. We can't they still want me to?
Now my best friend is pissed at me and won't even talk to me, for I don't even know why .... honestly. I know it's because I don't have a filter and I've said something to piss her off, but she knows me she knows my heart is in her hands.
Fuck I need my mom. Never has there been a harder time in my life that I needed her.
Now I have to be the strong one, the mom, for my kids.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Well It is what it is
He filed, and so it starts.
But to be honest, I want it to. I just didn't want it now.
A small part of me latches on because of the fear of the unknown. Also I know I could deal with my issues with him in therapy.
But in the long run, when I am looking back on this in 5 years I know I will say, it's a good thing we split.
We get along so well, we could have made it another 3 years at least. Shit we could have made it 10. But in the end we will both be happier. So it is what it is.
I just hope he stops letting people use him. I guess that's not supposed to be "my problem" anymore. Or his mommy and family issues. And there in lies my problem... how do you help someone who doesn't want your help.
And it is MY problem. He is the father of my children and one of my best friends.
Urg
More than a decade but we grew apart, too far apart.
I really hope he finds happiness. I know I will, I am a mother I can get through anything with dignity and strength for them.
But to be honest, I want it to. I just didn't want it now.
A small part of me latches on because of the fear of the unknown. Also I know I could deal with my issues with him in therapy.
But in the long run, when I am looking back on this in 5 years I know I will say, it's a good thing we split.
We get along so well, we could have made it another 3 years at least. Shit we could have made it 10. But in the end we will both be happier. So it is what it is.
I just hope he stops letting people use him. I guess that's not supposed to be "my problem" anymore. Or his mommy and family issues. And there in lies my problem... how do you help someone who doesn't want your help.
And it is MY problem. He is the father of my children and one of my best friends.
Urg
More than a decade but we grew apart, too far apart.
I really hope he finds happiness. I know I will, I am a mother I can get through anything with dignity and strength for them.
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